Dead Caterpillar

The universe is a vast cosmic conspiracy ...

Fuck pants

Friday, Nov 9th, 2018

I’ve been thinking real hard lately about shit that annoys.

While we have entire holidays dedicated to being thankful, we rarely take the time to consider all the shitty things in life. Now I’m not talking about the obvious shit like horseflies, homework, waking up early and such, I’m talking about the real subliminal shit. The shit that you didn’t even know annoyed you.

Take pants.

Even though pants can often be itchy, irritable, hard on the crotch, not to mention completely unsuitable in the summer months — no one dares question pants. And those who decide to not wear pants are branded outcasts and pariahs. Just try walking into work one day without pants, and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

For the longest time, we are told, women were forced by the patriarchy to wear dresses. Then suddenly one day, women started saying “fuck dresses,” and bam, no more dresses. I feel men need a similar movement. In lieu of pants, I propose we just wear boxers and white tees.

I declare war on pants.

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