Dead Caterpillar

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A message for tailgaiters

Saturday, Jun 2nd, 2012

If you don’t know, I fucking hate tailgaters, with passion and zeal. And I have encountered oh so many of them here in VA Beach. Oh so many tailgating jerkholes. I got tired of rolling down the window and screaming things at them so I made this custom bumper sticker.

Get off my ass

At first I was going to have it say something clever and punchy like “If you’re reading this, you’re too close” or “I break for tailgaters.” But I wanted bluntness, I didn’t want cute. I wanted to portray extreme annoyance (and possibly a hint of neurosis), and that’s why I used the small red serif font. I gave it quite a lot of thought. The seemingly bland sentence, “Get off my ass,” actually took hours of deliberation. I wanted to convey that tailgaters were both on my ass, and needed to get off it, but I was struggling to find the right words.

I believe I was in the shower when it hit me: Get off my ass. It’s simple, concise and communicates the message perfectly. I ran out of there like a dripping wet Archimedes and wrote it down. I found this site called Zazzle which will mail the sticker to you after you submit a design. And boy after I slapped that sucker on there, I haven’t had a tailgater since.

2 Responses to “A message for tailgaiters”

  1. John says:

    Interesting I should find this – I too hate tailgaters, unfortunately for me, my hatred is much more raw and deep seated. My hatred of tailgaters is so pure, that I want to plunge with total and absolute abandon into the abyss of sociopathic insanity and kill – yes kill, every f_cking piece of human garbage waste that tailgate me – no matter where or when. I see my self stopping my vehicle, going back to the drivers door of the offending vehicle, leveling my weapon at any adult passengers, taking their lives, leaving the vomit-puke tailgaters children alive to witness me then turning the driver into a pile of processed meat – ref. movie “Fargo” and backyard scene with wood chipper -
    So pure is my hatred of tailgaters –
    I live on the other side of the country – in Californya of all places – and out here, the californya variety of tailgaters is far worse than any other – californya in it’s resplendent multi-cultural mix of slobs and animals has produced one of the worst strains of tailgaters – I know somewhere in this sh_t-hole state there is some annual convention where all the worst, most aggressive slob animal drivers convene – they come from places like Mexico City, Rome, and Calcutta – they breed like vermin crawling with maggots and produce more moronic zombie-like tailgaters per capita than any other place in the universe.
    Anyway, I like your bumber sticker, I too have probably invented so many as tailgaters suck up on my ass you have no idea – I will have to visit Zazzle.
    In the mean-time, here’s one I’ve been toying with having printed up that I think will hit home with so many canilfonians here in the SF Bay Area ” I’m not Gay, so please get OFF MY ASS!”

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