Dead Caterpillar


The universe is a vast cosmic conspiracy ...

The pinnacle

Monday, Jan 21st, 2019

I remember distinctly the pinnacle of my career as a wisecrack.

It was middleschool. My history teacher had just finished explaining how the Americans had ambushed the French during a battle in the French and Indian War.

“The French were toast,” my History teacher said.

“… Don’t you mean … French Toast?” I said.

The crowd goes wild.

And in the midst of all that laughter, in those few moments, all of history appeared to me as a setup: not just the French and Indian War but the colonization of America before that, the invention of French toast before that, sliced bread and the discovery of grain for culinary purposes before that and — going back further — the creation of the universe.

All of history had been put into motion to set me up for the joke that brought me to the pinnacle of my career as a wisecrack.

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