Half past noon, I stumbled out of bed and instantly obeyed the one part of my brain that never seems to sleep by checking my email. Among my findings was an automated email from the University library system, making me aware of a $20 library fee for overdue educational videos.
Two days overdue.
After I had finished bouncing around different conspiracy theories in my head (many of which involved the university’s founders conspiring to get despicably rich off of their students’ forgetfulness), I decided to begin my day with a trek to the university curriculum library.
There I planned to return the overdue videos in conjunction with a series of sneery, completely unnecessary remarks regarding the absurdity of such a fee. The complaint would probably be received by some well-meaning, innocent government work study program student who happened to be stationed at the return desk at that time.
As I drowsily walked down the long hallway of Demoss, still contemplating ways I could express my newfound hatred for the university library system, I heard a voice addressing me.
“Hey man, have you signed up to become an organ doner yet?”
Darn. I had not. But what about the pressing matter of returning the overdue videos? Not an excuse … I had all day.
“… We are giving away free pizza,” he said.
Instantly, the luxurious taste of melted cheese on bread erased any ridiculous anxieties I might have held about a posthumous absence of kidneys. It also put off the one thing I had on my agenda that afternoon: berating a stranger.
I quickly signed my name on the dotted line, and afterwards, felt quite good about myself. Why not? I had committed an incredibly unselfish act at no expense to my current situation and received free pizza for it. It was just what I needed to satisfy my stomach, which had become increasingly awake at that point.
In fact, the feeling had affected me so much that I reduced my pre-meditated admonishments to all but one line:
“Twenty dollars? These DVDs aren’t worth a quarter that.” in a hushed, stilly mutter.
You too can have this deep feeling of magnanimity which will no doubt cause you to commit endless acts of charity and kindness.